Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
