I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
