thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
