i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
