I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
