About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
