My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
