now i know why i became what i already was.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
