eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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