This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
