you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
