Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
