and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
