if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
