i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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