Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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