You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
