the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
