I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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