You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
