i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize