R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
