thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
