fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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