Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
