At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
