for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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