I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
