I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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