I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
