no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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