if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
