the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I AM VODKA MAN
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
