I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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