I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
