I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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