I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
