Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
