u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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