I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
