smell my finger.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
