You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
