I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
