the day after is always just damage control
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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