Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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