Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
