Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
