Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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