new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
