Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dont even know how to be here
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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