Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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