You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I looked at my own cervix.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
