He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
