i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
