He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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