Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
