i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
