member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
