i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
