We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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